Lost
by MeatBunFighter
Summary: Shinji Ikari lost his way and doesn't know what to do anymore. He realized his still fighting because of one person, Rei Ayanami. He decides to confess his love for her. And damn... He got the surprise of his life. BAD LANGUAGE
1. Lost Love On a Lonely Highway

Damn... How long has it been since I've wrote a story? It's been awhile... Well anyway, I made a new one. So here it is... Enjoy everyone.

**DISCLAIMER- I do NOT own Evangelion nor am I affiated with it. I am just a normal average boy with his own complex problems. :/**

* * *

Lost

Ch. 1- Lost Love On a Lonely Highway

Shinji Ikari was walking in the dark streets of Tokyo-3. He had his head down and his shoulders slouched.

"What is my purpose in life?" he thought bitterly, "I mean... Why am I still here?"

A tear slid down his face.

"I'm always suffering all the time by Asuka and Misato doesn't even seem to care about me," he thought about it even more as he stopped in the street and clenched his fists.

"Nobody doesn't care about me. Not even my dad. All I want is to be loved but I just get shitted on."

He fell down on his knees and he cried silently, "All I am is a damn tool. A tool that's suppose to save humanity from the Angels. Why am I still doing this anyway? Nobody never gives me any damn appreciation. Everybody's selfish..."

Then he started to think about a certain someone, "Rei..."

He loved her. He loved every single fiber of the young teenager girl. Her milky pale skin, her light blue cropped hair, her deep crimson eyes...

"I'm still here because of her..." he realized suddenly, "She's the only reason why I'm still in this fight. I want to protect her with all my power. I want to see that smile of her that makes me melt. I want to hold her hold her tiny body in my arms and never let go. I want to kiss those sweet gentle lips of hers. She's my only reason why I'm still here... So that one day, we can find happiness... Together."

He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and stood up. He decided what to do.

"Even though I'm scared, I want to tell her my true feelings for her. No matter what," he thought with determination.

* * *

He stood at her apartment door. His heart was beating fast and his breath became unsteady. His hand slowly went towards the door to knock on it but it pulled away quickly.

"I will not run away. I will not run away..." he chanted in his mind.

He knocked.

Silence...

"U-um... I-It's me. S-Sh-Shinji," he called out, "I-I need t-to talk to you."

The door slowly opened and Shinji's heart was beating at a faster pace.

Rei was wearing her usual school uniform. She stared at him.

"Come in," Rei said in her usual monotone voice.

She walked back to her bed and sat there. Shinji took of his shoes at the entrance and walked towards the bed as well. He looked around her house. There were a bunch of books in one corner, a desk nearby her bed, some bloody old bandages in a trash can, and there were some grime and dust on the walls. He sighed.

"How can she live in a place like this?" he thought.

He sat on her bed and looked at her.

"So what is it you want to talk about, Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked.

"Please call me Shinji," he responded back.

"Okay, Shinji. ," Rei said uneasily. She wasn't comfortable saying people's first names.

"Then you can call me Rei instead of using my last name," Rei started again, "But only in private conversations."

"Sure," he smiled.

She was warming up to him.

"So what did you want to talk about, Shinji?" she asked again.

"It's now or never," he thought as his heartbeat started to quicken.

"Rei..." he took a deep breath, "I've been thinking about you a lot."

She looked at him in wonder, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that... Whenever I see you, I feel a lot more happier. When I talk to you, it makes my day feel brighter. It feels..."

He gulped.

"Shinji?" Rei asked in interest.

"I feels like you're the only reason why I'm still here fighting the Angels. You're a very special person to me. I want to protect you and make you happy. Rei... I love you."

He said it. He confessed his true feelings to her. He looked at her...

But she only had a blank stare.

"Shinji. I do not feel these feelings towards you. I have never felt anything related to love whenever it comes to you. The only person that is truly special to me is your father."

He felt his heart break slowly when he heard these words from her mouth. It felt like she was stabbed his heart and was twisting it as she talked.

"Shinji," she looked at him with no emotion, "I don't love you."

It felt like a bullet tore through his chest.

"I-I un-understand," his voice became shaky as he stood up, "I-I'm sorry for bothering you."

He quickly walked out her apartment and closed her door loudly.

"Shinji..." Rei murmured softly.

* * *

When Shinji got out, he ran as quickly as possible to anywhere. He didn't want to stay at Rei's apartment anymore. He didn't even want to go back to his home. He kept running and running. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted to go away. Away from everything.

"She never cared. She never cared. She never cared," he kept on repeating it in his mind.

The hot tears went down his face as he ran. His eyes were shut tightly. He wanted to die. The events were playing in his mind like a film.

He finally stopped to catch his breath and found himself in the countryside. The tears were still running down. He fell on his knees again and gripped the dirt ground.

"My life is worthless. I just lost the only reason staying," he cried out loud.

Love is a two way street... Shinji Ikari lost his on a lonely highway....

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

Damn... That was depressing. Oh well... Love has its pains. Anyway... I was watching "Evangelion 1.0: You Are (Not) Alone" and my was blown. That movie was awesome. I love it how it shows more about Shinji's and Rei's romantic relationship. That's cool since I'm a ShinjixRei kind of guy. :P

Anyway, I'll be working on my other stories pretty soon. Espcially the one about Custom Robo... (Damn I need to start that shit up again.)

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you for reading! I'm sorry if there were any mistakes! LATER!


	2. A New Found Warmth and a Realization

Okay! I finally made a chapter 2 for this story. I got to say, I'm proud of myself. ^^ Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

**DISCLAIMER- I do NOT own Neon Genesis Evangelion nor am I affiliated with it. I am just a normal average teenage with his own complex problems and love life. :/**

* * *

Lost

Ch. 2- A New Found Warmth and a Realization

Shinji laid down on the cool soft grass and looked at the bright stars. He breathing finally became normal and he stopped crying. The only thing was that his eyes were both red and puffy.

"Why..?" Shinji asked softly, "Does God hate me?"

"No."

Shinji quickly got up and turned around. In front of him was a young beautiful girl. Her black sleek hair was in a high ponytail. She had gentle violet eyes. Her pink lips were parted and she wore a dark blue summer dress.

Shinji blinked and responded, "Yes he does. If he loved me, he would have gave me a happier life."

The girl approached him and did a very unexpected thing. She hugged him with warmth that he never experienced before. "You must have had a very tormenting experience if you deny that God loves you."

"SHUT UP!" Shinji pushed the female away, "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! DO YOU JUST WANT TO MESS AROUND WITH MY MIND!?"

He fell on his knees and looked to the ground with his shaky hands in front of him. "My dad... He abandoned me and manipulates me so he can get what he wants. My roommates make me act as their slave. I do everything single thing for them. And... And her..."

The girl knelt beside him. "What did she do?" she asked softly.

"She... She never felt anything for me when I told her I love her," Shinji could feel the tears slide down his face, "I-I th-thought that she w-w-would think th-that I wa-was special. Bu-but no. I was no-nobody. S-She o-only thought that m-my da-dad was special. She-"

The girl's gentle voice suddenly hit his ears, "Shh... Stop. I don't need to hear this anymore. Shh... I'm right here. Just let it out. Just cry..."

When he heard those words, the young boy broke down. He held the girl tightly as he whispered, "Don't leave me. Don't leave... Please..."

He sobbed loudly throughout the quiet tranquility. The girl held him and rubbed his back in a circular motion. "I won't leave you," she responded quietly.

They both laid on the grass as they both held each other in their arms.

* * *

Shinji opened up his eyes slowly as the sunlight hit him in the face. His vision was blurred as because of the remaining tears that were still left in his eyes. He rubbed his eyes with his hand and turned to the side. His eyes widened as he saw the same girl from last night sleeping right next to him with her arms embracing him. "Why...?" he asked quietly.

The girl opened her eyes and smiled, "Good morning."

Shinji looked at the girl and shed a tear. "Who are you?" he questioned her.

"My name is Yukiko Arakaki," she responded back with another smile.

"Yukiko," he started, "Why did you do this?"

"Because, you're lonely. I seen you walking around the area in the cold. You always seem to look sad... So I took it upon myself to see what's wrong. And now, here we are. In each other's arms."

Shinji stared at her and started to cry again. "T-Thank y-you..." he stuttered.

She pulled him close and closed her eyes, "Let's just go back to sleep... Okay-"

He moved away from her and actually made a sincere smile, "It's Shinji. Shinji Ikari."

She smiled back, "Okay, Shinji. Let's just go back to sleep."

"Okay..."

Yukiko cuddled with Shinji on the soft grass without a care about the world. The same with Shinji.

"Don't leave me... Please... I never want to go back..." he whispered softly.

Yukiko just nodded.

* * *

Meanwhile...

Rei woke up again with the feeling of emptiness in her heart. She got up again and went to eat something. As she ate her tasteless rations, she started to think about what happened in the past days.

"Shinji..." Rei thought sorrowfully.

It has been a week and a half ever since his disappearance. Gendo just thought Shinji was a "complete waste of time." Asuka said that he was just a coward. Misato did seem to actually worry about him and even decided to look for him even though, Gendo didn't authorize her to do that. His two buddies, Kensuke and Toji were worried and were absent from school for about a week.

Rei's thoughts were interrupted as someone was knocking on the door. Curious, Rei decided to open it up. It was the Major. Rei was surprised but she still showed off her unemotional face, "Major Katsuragi. How can I help you?"

"Rei..." Misato started, "I have something for you."

Misato took out a folded piece of paper from her jacket and gave it to Rei.

"What is this?" Rei inquired.

"It's for you," Misato's lips started to tremble, "Read it, please..."

Rei blinked and nodded, "Okay."

Misato quickly left without a word which confused Rei.

Rei looked at the folded paper and debated if this "thing" was truly important to read it.

She sat on her bed and unfolded it. She examined the the paper and read it. There were many eraser marks on it.

_Dear Rei, _

_Hey. It's me, Shinji. I wanted to say this out loud to you but I guess I'm not strong enough to even say what I wrote in this letter. _

_Stupid isn't it? I mean... Writing this letter and all._

Rei kept on continuing read the letter with interest.

_I bet you'll just think this thing is just a boat load of bullshit that meant to be thrown away without a thought about what to do with this. I'll be happy if you are still reading this._

_Rei... You're a very special girl to me. When I first looked into your crimson eyes when you fell down from your gurney, it was love at first sight. At first, I was scared out of my wits because I wanted to pilot some purple giant mechanism but I wanted to protect you and my father. I wanted my father to accept me like his own, but I guess I couldn't even accomplish that. I hated you. Father always seemed to be so fucking happy when he sees you. I hated your every being because of that. Yet, I cared you at the same time. _

"Shinji..." she said softly.

_Remember when I intruded inside your apartment and saw you naked? That was a huge surprise for me to see that you know? I mean.. I thought you were going to slap me or something but you didn't. You saw me having my father's old glasses and you decided to grab them from me. As a result, we both fell and it seemed like it was the only time when we were truly close to one another. But it was awkward since I was grabbing one of your breasts. Haha. I apologize for that. _

_As time went by, I started to feel much more from you. You started to show a little more emotion to me and I was extremely happy because of that... But, I guess I was wrong. Maybe it was because I looked like my father. Rei... Have you only saw me as a lesser clone of my father? If you did, I wouldn't care. As long as you were there. In my arms... I would be the happiest man on the planet. I wouldn't care if you even called me by my father's name. I would still be by your_

That was the end of the letter. It stopped from there and all you can see is more eraser marks and a couple of dried of tears.

"Why does it feel so cold...?" Rei shivered.

She started to remember the day when Shinji told her he loved her. She touched the bed covers.

"Shinji's warmth..." she trembled, "It's gone."

Tears started to slide down her face and she laid on her bed. "Is this how it feels to be heart broken?"

She curled into a ball and sobbed, "It feels like someone punched a hole in my chest."

She held her pillow and started to cry on it, "Shinji. I'm all alone. Stay with me. I don't want to be lonely anymore."

Her sobs echoed through the whole room.

"Shinji. Come back...."

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED.

Well that was heart breaking. Oh well, that's life and it sucks balls.

I can't wait to watch the next movie in the Rebuild series. I bet it's going to be... Orgasmic. :P

Okay, enough. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I apologize if you found any mistakes. LATER!


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